Self Care Sanctuary

Go swimming

2009-06-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

Of all sports, swimming probably places the least strain on the body - whatever speed you swim, the water will support you, preventing muscle strain or joint injury and allowing you to relax into the movement. Enjoy the sense of weightlessness as you float and the sense of power as you cleave the water.

If you're looking for a good workout, try out one of the waterfit classes that are offered through local rec centres... this is a wonderful workout for your core as well as all your other body parts! I also have found that waterfit can be a very social experience, where you can meet people and strike up new friendships.

*Self care practice from Mike George

Moments and Memories: The Spirit of Caregiving - Annual General Meeting

2009-06-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

Moments and Memories: The Spirit of Caregiving - Annual General Meeting

Join us for a conversation on one of life’s most powerful and life-changing journeys - caregiving. Our presenters will begin the conversation by sharing their own “aha!” moments, special memories and the experiences that have touched them the most. Come and simply listen or join the conversation and share your own caregiving moments and memories.

Light refreshments will be served.

Facilitator: FCNS
June 16, 2009, 6:00 pm - June 16, 2009, 8:00 pm
Salvation Army Citadel, Multipurpose Room, 4030 Douglas Street (McKenzie & Pat Bay Highway)
$0.00 for FCNS members $10.00 for non-members
Please RSVP to (250) 384-0408 by June 10th to reserve your seat.

Have a cup of tea

2009-05-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

It's a universal time honoured response to trouble and stress: the ritual of making it, offering it, the sharing and drinking of it.

Self care strategy from Heather Fox, MSW

5-4-3-2-1 Relaxation technique

2009-05-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

The following technique is very powerful, and can be used to relax in stressful situations; to help re-center yourself or reconnect yourself to the present moment; to help fall asleep; to help relieve pain; and to deal with anxiety attacks.

If pain or discomfort, or anxiety symptoms are present, allow these to be one sensation you notice, but invite yourself to begin noticing other, more subtle, sensations as well.

This technique can be safely done anywhere and at anytime, except while driving or biking, as it often narrows peripheral vision. It is most helpful when done aloud, but can be silently as well.

Begin by finding a relatively comfortable position for your body, and something pleasant to focus your eyes on. Keep you head relatively still. Your eyes can remain open throughout the exercise, unless you have a pleasant urge to close them, or are using the technique to fall asleep.

Begin naming aloud 5 sights, 5 sounds, and 5 physical sensations you are aware of. Repeating an item seen, heard or felt is perfectly okay. Count on your fingers if this is helpful.

Proceed to 4 sights, 4 sounds, and 4 physical sensations. If you lose count, simply begin again where you think you were... then 3 things, then 2 things... continue counting down and naming until you reach 1 of each category.

When you reach 1 sight, 1 sound, and 1 physical sensation, you can choose whether to repeat the whole exercise again to deepen the effect.

When you feel finished, take a minute to reorient yourself to the present by counting yourself up through five breaths, becoming increasingly alert at each breath.

*Technique shared by Michele Butot, MSW, Psychosocial Course of the Dying and Bereaved, 2008

Reflections on simplicity in caregiving

2009-05-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

For the purpose of this reflection, I'm going to focus on the concept of simplicity in my family caregiving role as opposed to the inevitable caregiving that comes with my work. When I think of the word "simplicity", I am referring to what it means to take time to clarify what is important and allowing the nonessentials fall away. I can say without a doubt that I have never been able to do this, but I think is something to strive for.

Often in my own role as a caregiver, I let my perception of what caregiving "should" look like cloud what could be. I've come up with endless reasons why a task has to be done a certain way, carried unrealistic expectations with me about a variety of things, and in particular, have allowed my sense of responsibility and modelling to guide my interactions. I have never simply just been myself in this role and have often wondered why that seems so impossible for me. Is it because of my view of this role? Or possibly because I don't believe that my true self will be seen by those I'm caring for, even if I showed myself? Or is it because when you're caring for someone whom you share love, it's too personal, too close? I have no idea what the answers are.

I wonder how much of myself would organically shine through if I simplified everything. For Mother's Day last weekend, I planned a tea for my mom and then arranged for us to paint clay mugs at a local art store. For as much time and effort that went into the tea, it wasn't necessary or even all that enjoyable. It was the painting where both my mom and I were able to let more of our true selves shine through together than has in years - and if I'd simplified everything in my planning, removed expectations and allowed simplicity to be enough, I would have seen that. There are so many other interactions I have with my parents in this role where I know the same would be true.

This is all just my own personal reflections and food for thought. I wonder how much time and energy we all would save ourselves if we invited more simplicity into our caregiving role. I wonder how many tasks would become easier, and our interactions more genuine and fun. This is something I plan to experiment with more.

Talk to your neighbours

2009-05-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Talk to your neighbours and help to encourage a community of mutual support. A network of friendly neighbours offers the potential for dealing effectively with a whole range of difficulties - from letting an electrician into your house while you're at work, to watering your plants while you're away on vacation.

*Self care practice from Mike George

Make use of your benefits

2009-04-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have been fairly good lately at practicing what I preached a few months back about finding time for meditation. I have joined a weekly meditation group, but seem to experience head aches and pain in my back and shoulders right afterwards. I spoke to the facilitator about why this may be happening, he explained that when you meditate, it brings your awareness into the moment ... aches and pains that are always there on a low level are noticed.

I've had access to a benefits package from my work for nearly a year but the only one I've taken advantage of is a couple of dental visits. There are so many other great benefits included in my package that I have not even thought use ... such as acupuncture, massage therapy, visits to natural paths, etc. Why haven't I been caring for myself in this way all along?! After yet another somewhat grueling meditation session a few weeks ago I booked a visit to see a massage therapist and am already noticing a huge difference. I'm happy to report that today's meditation was pain free. Keeping my body happy seems to have a direct relationship to my inner peace and happiness. I think we can all agree that experiencing pain can be one of the fastest ways to put you in a bad mood, and blow regular life stresses out of proportion. Often pain and stress is experienced at that low, nearly unnoticeable level, but it is always with us unless we tend to it.

If you have a benefits package, I highly recommend that you start treating yourself to one (or all!) of them. It is one of the easiest and affordable ways that we can care for ourselves.

Journaling

2009-04-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling in the last while with some blues ... with talk of the economy, the recession, ongoing violence, and the endless negativity put out by the media, I have found that somewhere along the way I temporarily lost my normally upbeat, positive self. I have been finding it easier to see the negative over the positive in the world (and in my own world). I came to the point recently where I felt it was time to move away from those feelings and search for the positive and truly care for myself by taking control of them. Times of blues that we all go through is a true test of the power of self care.

I was able to care for myself through journaling last week. My journal is something I seem to turn to only in "bad" times, and somehow forget to tend to it during the good ... but it doesn't seem to care about the kind of news I bring, it is always there when I need to use it. It doesn't judge me for the lack of attention that I give it, or the darkness that I bring to it at times. This is a place where I feel very safe getting some of the blues and negativity out of my system, and the process of writing with good old fashion pen and paper seems to bring such clarity for me. It has reminded me that my positive self is still present, just needing an extra nudge to make more than an occasional appearance ... a realization that has been very comforting for me.

Wear slippers at home

2009-04-01T22:10:00.000-07:00

Practice making your home peaceful by wearing slippers. Try keeping them by the front door so you can slip into them when you enter.

*Self care practice from Mike George

Letting Go While Holding On: The Transition to Facility Care

2009-03-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

There is yet another workshop being offered by the Family Caregiver Network Society to share with you:

Letting Go While Holding On: The Transition to Facility Care

When the time comes for a family member to be admitted to a care facility, this decision is just one of many made along the continuum of care. It is a time of transition for both the care recipient and their family. Relief is often felt by the family caregiver, but it is in conflict with other emotions such as guilt and grief. There can be a sense of loss as your role as primary caregiver changes. This change requires a gentle “letting go” while still holding on with love and compassion.

In this workshop we will explore how your role as family caregiver changes when the person you are caring for moves into a care facility. Practical information will also be provided on visiting with your loved one, communicating with healthcare providers and normalizing some of the emotional responses to a transition to care.

Facilitator: Sheilagh McIvor, Social Worker
March 28, 2009, 10:00 am - March 28, 2009, 12:30 pm
Leisure Suite, Alexander Mackie Lodge, 753 Station Avenue, Langford
$20.00 for FCNS members $25.00 for non-members
Limited seating. Please register by March 23rd.

Boundaries and Assertiveness: You Can't Have One Without the Other

2009-03-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder about the next workshop being put on by the Family Caregiver Network Society:

Boundaries and Assertiveness You can’t have one without the other

Boundaries implicitly define for others what behaviours are acceptable and not acceptable when they interact with us. Being assertive grows from the knowledge you have about your own boundaries and involves stating clearly and calmly what you think, what you feel, and what you want to have happen.

In this workshop you will learn some simple yet effective tools that will benefit you as a family caregiver. Become more aware of your boundaries and learn how to be more assertive with the person for whom you are caring, other family members and people in the healthcare system. While you can’t change the world with a magic wand, you can make your life easier by knowing your boundaries and expressing yourself assertively.

Facilitator: Allison Reeves, M.A., Registered Clinical Counsellor March 21, 2009, 9:30 am - March 21, 2009, 12:30 pm Canadian Cancer Society, Vancouver Island Lodge, 2202 Richmond Road $25.00 for FCNS members $30.00 for non-members Limited seating. Please register by March 16th.

Finding the simple things

2009-03-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

Make simple things that can be done in the moment part of your life: walking, running, meditation, prayer, singing, playing with a baby, gardening, sports, knitting, reading, watching the birds, music, baking, silence, laughing with a friend, whatever it is that lights you up and reminds you that you are more than your work as a caregiver.

*Self care practice from Heather Fox, MSW

Walking on grass

2009-02-24T16:38:00.000-08:00

"Walking on grass", is a phrase and a beautiful image that I hear almost weekly from a client in one of my music therapy groups, to describe to me how he is feeling. We talk often about what this image looks like for him ... he describes how good it feels to walk through the cool grass in his bare feet. It always strikes me what a calming image this is. What a wonderful way of sharing how we are feeling with someone else, to use imagery and metaphors. Maybe this is something more of us should try.

Breathing technique for anxiety reduction

2009-02-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

In my previous blog about the importance of tending to the breath, I mentioned that I would post some techniques. This one is courtesy of Michele Butot, MSW.

This breathing technique physiologically stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system via the vagus nerve, stimulating your body's natural relaxation response. It can be practiced anywhere and at any time.

To begin:

Bring your attention to your breath, as it is in this moment - rest and allow yourself to breathe. Soften your belly.
Now, let your attention come to the base or back of your nostrils, wherever the sensation of breath is strongest - allow your attention to rest here for a few minutes, simply breathing and feeling the breath in the nose.
Begin to notice the temperature difference between the in-breath and the out-breath. Perhaps you can notice that the in-breath is slightly cooler, and the out-breath is slightly warmer.
Let your mind rest of the feeling of this temperature difference in the breath at the nostrils for one to several minutes. You may choose to give your mind the task of silently repeating "in-cool, out-warm" to deepen the effect.
Take a few minutes for the practice to do its work, helping your body's own relaxation response to allow your distress symptoms or anxiety to subside naturally.
When you feel finished, count yourself up through five more invigorating breaths, becoming increasingly alert at each breath.

Note: If you are able to make time for meditation, finding someone to guide you through this breathing technique would be ideal. Another way to guide yourself, could be to record the steps and play them back during your meditation. I find guided meditations much easier than trying to do them by myself.

2009-02-10T20:35:00.000-08:00

At work today I was porting a resident to a music therapy group when she announced that she was going to kiss herself. She then brought her hand to her mouth, and true to her word, gave herself a kiss. Talk about self care!

Taking a day off

2009-02-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

One of the ways in which I take care of myself is by scheduling a day off from my life. This usually is a monthly event that I actually schedule into my Outlook calendar ... as an all day event in red for high importance that I like to call "Maryann's day off".

Yesterday I indulged in a lovely day off, after initially resisting the urge to have a productive Sunday. After giving myself permission to, I happily lazed on the couch for most of the day in my pajamas, watching TV and playing video games ... only getting up occasionally to get something to eat. I ended this luxurious day by heading off to bed at 8:30 last night. It is obvious by the empty clothes closet and the messy apartment that I gave up an entire day of my weekend to take care of myself. However today I feel refreshed, well rested, recouped, recharged and happy. I feel like I can carry on with work, caregiving and the chores of life and be present in these things, after taking a mini holiday from it all. I also can look forward to my next lazy day of self care which I've already booked in March ... in red, for high importance.

Taking a day off may consist of different things for all of us. My definition of a relaxing day off means being a couch potato, with the TV, movies, video games or a good book. Other people may get the same kind of relaxation from going out for a long walk, or even washing their kitchen floors. Your day off can consist of whatever feels right for you ... as long as you feel rested by the end.

Even if you cannot check out of life for an entire day, it is so important to give yourself permission to make time for this ... whether it be a full day or a couple of hours. For me to make my day happen, I had to say no to other things and other people to honor the commitment I made to myself. My sense is the necessity of saying no to give ourselves time is why so many caregivers don't take time for themselves. Being able to say yes to ourselves and no to others occasionally is one of the keys in warding off burnout, and if you're not good at doing this ... I challenge you to start practicing it. I also challenge you to take your day off. I love to hear your stories of how it goes.

Catching your breath

2009-02-05T15:12:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I attended the annual Victoria Hospice Society's Spiritual Care Conference. I was fascinated by a lecture given by our keynote speaker, Dr. Thomas Attig, whose presentation was entitled "Catching Your Breath In Grief". Dr. Attig took his audience through the life, death and grieving process in partnership with how we use our breath. Though this blog is not focused on death and grief, I felt that his reflections on the breath are certainly relevant to us as caregivers and wanted to share some of Dr. Attig's reflections with you.

Dr. Attig spoke about the breath of life, reminding us that from the time we are babies we are given breath which continues to support us through life ... however we often take it for granted. Only in special circumstances do we take notice of the breath, for example, when strong emotion or physical exertion takes our breath away. At the end of life is when many do take notice of the breath, observers pay attention to every breath at the bedside of their loved one in anticipation for the last breath. Loved ones take notice after the last breath is taken, as their world changes in the wake of that last breath.

Rarely do we attend to the breath, even though the process of doing so is grounding and reconnects us with who we are. I certainly have felt this grounding experience when I practice singing in a purposeful way ... I must focus on how I inhale and exhale each breath to maximize my vocal stamina and range. Afterwards I do feel as though it's easier to breathe, through normal life and stresses that come with being a caregiver. Other formal ways of catching your breath include meditation and yoga, though it can also be achieved by stopping in the moment and simply feeling your breath. The next time you are in your caregiving role and are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, try attending to your breath and see if it makes a difference for you. Over the next few posts I will publish a few easy breathing patterns that may help start the process of bringing your awareness to your breath.

For more information about Dr. Attig or his books, please visit his website by clicking on the blog title.

The best things, happen while you're dancing

2009-01-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

From the time I was in elementary school into my adult life, I'd never fully appreciated the benefits of exercise until recently. I was never good at PE when I was in school ... I found so much more joy out of music and drama electives, and I never really understood the appeal of the sports I was exposed to. During my years in college, my reasons for exercising were superficial, only ever putting myself through the "on-again, off-again" experiences of running and visits to the gym to look good ... it was irrelevant to me how I felt afterwards. We've all been told repeatedly how good exercise is for us, but I never really got it until now.

Not long ago, I had an epiphany about my reasons for exercise and how I could incorporate it into my life permanently. I believe the secret to finding a long term solution is to try many different kinds of exercise to find the one that brings you joy. I have finally found this joyful exercise through ballroom dancing. I love the combination of the dancing with the music, the social aspects, and that it isn't like any other aspect of my life ... and I can definitely feel my gluts the day after! After finding this wonderful fit, I now understand the true benefits of exercise.

The benefits of exercise I enjoy are endless. Some of these benefits have included better sleep, increased physical and emotional strength, and an overall more positive outlook on life. In my role as a caregiver, dancing is a way I give myself permission to feed myself. It gives me sustenance to continue being patient, loving, and caring to those I'm caring for, and contributes greatly to warding off burn out. It provides an outlet where I'm not expected to be a caregiver, and I can simply take in the benefits for my well being.

My challenge to you is to find a similar physical outlet that brings you joy. Ask yourselves why you want to, or are exercising ... will those reasons be able to sustain you in during your days, months, years as a caregiver? For me, dancing is a good fit because of who I am ... I enjoy being around people, it provides a supportive community, and I'm challenging myself. Other people may find joy in more solitary, internal forms of exercise, such as yoga or Tai Chi. I encourage you to find your fit, and I believe it will provide the same benefits to you as it has for me.

Family Caregiver Network Society

2009-01-25T18:27:00.000-08:00

The family caregiver network is a non-profit society for caregivers caring for adults in Victoria and the Capitol Regional District. I've visited their site often to check out the various workshops that are offered, and I really appreciate knowing there is an organization that offers many supports if and when I should need them. In addition to ongoing workshops, FCNS provides free monthly support groups, books, resources and articles. The next workshop being offered through FCNS is entitled "Increasing Your Resiliency" and the registration cut off date is February 2nd ... check out their website for that and more.