Walking on grass

"Walking on grass", is a phrase and a beautiful image that I hear almost weekly from a client in one of my music therapy groups, to describe to me how he is feeling. We talk often about what this image looks like for him ... he describes how good it feels to walk through the cool grass in his bare feet. It always strikes me what a calming image this is. What a wonderful way of sharing how we are feeling with someone else, to use imagery and metaphors. Maybe this is something more of us should try.

Breathing technique for anxiety reduction

In my previous blog about the importance of tending to the breath, I mentioned that I would post some techniques. This one is courtesy of Michele Butot, MSW.

This breathing technique physiologically stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system via the vagus nerve, stimulating your body's natural relaxation response. It can be practiced anywhere and at any time.

To begin:

• Bring your attention to your breath, as it is in this moment - rest and allow yourself to breathe. Soften your belly.
• Now, let your attention come to the base or back of your nostrils, wherever the sensation of breath is strongest - allow your attention to rest here for a few minutes, simply breathing and feeling the breath in the nose.
• Begin to notice the temperature difference between the in-breath and the out-breath. Perhaps you can notice that the in-breath is slightly cooler, and the out-breath is slightly warmer.
• Let your mind rest of the feeling of this temperature difference in the breath at the nostrils for one to several minutes. You may choose to give your mind the task of silently repeating "in-cool, out-warm" to deepen the effect.
• Take a few minutes for the practice to do its work, helping your body's own relaxation response to allow your distress symptoms or anxiety to subside naturally.
• When you feel finished, count yourself up through five more invigorating breaths, becoming increasingly alert at each breath.

Note: If you are able to make time for meditation, finding someone to guide you through this breathing technique would be ideal. Another way to guide yourself, could be to record the steps and play them back during your meditation. I find guided meditations much easier than trying to do them by myself.

At work today I was porting a resident to a music therapy group when she announced that she was going to kiss herself. She then brought her hand to her mouth, and true to her word, gave herself a kiss. Talk about self care!

Taking a day off

One of the ways in which I take care of myself is by scheduling a day off from my life. This usually is a monthly event that I actually schedule into my Outlook calendar ... as an all day event in red for high importance that I like to call "Maryann's day off".

Yesterday I indulged in a lovely day off, after initially resisting the urge to have a productive Sunday. After giving myself permission to, I happily lazed on the couch for most of the day in my pajamas, watching TV and playing video games ... only getting up occasionally to get something to eat. I ended this luxurious day by heading off to bed at 8:30 last night. It is obvious by the empty clothes closet and the messy apartment that I gave up an entire day of my weekend to take care of myself. However today I feel refreshed, well rested, recouped, recharged and happy. I feel like I can carry on with work, caregiving and the chores of life and be present in these things, after taking a mini holiday from it all. I also can look forward to my next lazy day of self care which I've already booked in March ... in red, for high importance.

Taking a day off may consist of different things for all of us. My definition of a relaxing day off means being a couch potato, with the TV, movies, video games or a good book. Other people may get the same kind of relaxation from going out for a long walk, or even washing their kitchen floors. Your day off can consist of whatever feels right for you ... as long as you feel rested by the end.

Even if you cannot check out of life for an entire day, it is so important to give yourself permission to make time for this ... whether it be a full day or a couple of hours. For me to make my day happen, I had to say no to other things and other people to honor the commitment I made to myself. My sense is the necessity of saying no to give ourselves time is why so many caregivers don't take time for themselves. Being able to say yes to ourselves and no to others occasionally is one of the keys in warding off burnout, and if you're not good at doing this ... I challenge you to start practicing it. I also challenge you to take your day off. I love to hear your stories of how it goes.

Catching your breath

Last weekend I attended the annual Victoria Hospice Society's Spiritual Care Conference. I was fascinated by a lecture given by our keynote speaker, Dr. Thomas Attig, whose presentation was entitled "Catching Your Breath In Grief". Dr. Attig took his audience through the life, death and grieving process in partnership with how we use our breath. Though this blog is not focused on death and grief, I felt that his reflections on the breath are certainly relevant to us as caregivers and wanted to share some of Dr. Attig's reflections with you.

Dr. Attig spoke about the breath of life, reminding us that from the time we are babies we are given breath which continues to support us through life ... however we often take it for granted. Only in special circumstances do we take notice of the breath, for example, when strong emotion or physical exertion takes our breath away. At the end of life is when many do take notice of the breath, observers pay attention to every breath at the bedside of their loved one in anticipation for the last breath. Loved ones take notice after the last breath is taken, as their world changes in the wake of that last breath.

Rarely do we attend to the breath, even though the process of doing so is grounding and reconnects us with who we are. I certainly have felt this grounding experience when I practice singing in a purposeful way ... I must focus on how I inhale and exhale each breath to maximize my vocal stamina and range. Afterwards I do feel as though it's easier to breathe, through normal life and stresses that come with being a caregiver. Other formal ways of catching your breath include meditation and yoga, though it can also be achieved by stopping in the moment and simply feeling your breath. The next time you are in your caregiving role and are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, try attending to your breath and see if it makes a difference for you. Over the next few posts I will publish a few easy breathing patterns that may help start the process of bringing your awareness to your breath.

For more information about Dr. Attig or his books, please visit his website by clicking on the blog title.

The best things, happen while you're dancing

From the time I was in elementary school into my adult life, I'd never fully appreciated the benefits of exercise until recently. I was never good at PE when I was in school ... I found so much more joy out of music and drama electives, and I never really understood the appeal of the sports I was exposed to. During my years in college, my reasons for exercising were superficial, only ever putting myself through the "on-again, off-again" experiences of running and visits to the gym to look good ... it was irrelevant to me how I felt afterwards. We've all been told repeatedly how good exercise is for us, but I never really got it until now.

Not long ago, I had an epiphany about my reasons for exercise and how I could incorporate it into my life permanently. I believe the secret to finding a long term solution is to try many different kinds of exercise to find the one that brings you joy. I have finally found this joyful exercise through ballroom dancing. I love the combination of the dancing with the music, the social aspects, and that it isn't like any other aspect of my life ... and I can definitely feel my gluts the day after! After finding this wonderful fit, I now understand the true benefits of exercise.

The benefits of exercise I enjoy are endless. Some of these benefits have included better sleep, increased physical and emotional strength, and an overall more positive outlook on life. In my role as a caregiver, dancing is a way I give myself permission to feed myself. It gives me sustenance to continue being patient, loving, and caring to those I'm caring for, and contributes greatly to warding off burn out. It provides an outlet where I'm not expected to be a caregiver, and I can simply take in the benefits for my well being.

My challenge to you is to find a similar physical outlet that brings you joy. Ask yourselves why you want to, or are exercising ... will those reasons be able to sustain you in during your days, months, years as a caregiver? For me, dancing is a good fit because of who I am ... I enjoy being around people, it provides a supportive community, and I'm challenging myself. Other people may find joy in more solitary, internal forms of exercise, such as yoga or Tai Chi. I encourage you to find your fit, and I believe it will provide the same benefits to you as it has for me.

Family Caregiver Network Society

The family caregiver network is a non-profit society for caregivers caring for adults in Victoria and the Capitol Regional District. I've visited their site often to check out the various workshops that are offered, and I really appreciate knowing there is an organization that offers many supports if and when I should need them. In addition to ongoing workshops, FCNS provides free monthly support groups, books, resources and articles. The next workshop being offered through FCNS is entitled "Increasing Your Resiliency" and the registration cut off date is February 2nd ... check out their website for that and more.